Oops - I failed to keep this secret and confidential. I guess that’s okay, because this guy can’t spell.

Date: Tue, 1 May 2012 14:30:30 -0700 [05/01/2012 04:30:30 PM CDT]
From: John Edward johnalersection2@hotmail.com
To: Undisclosed Recipients
Reply-To: johnsectionsection@qatar.io
Subject: [No Subject]

vew ur attached message about your funds details

Attention Pls,

My name is John Edward direct KTT Wire transfer. i believe you don�t know me before but after a serious thought, I decided to reach you personally this YEAR because I do not have anything against you, but your so called partners. I am the director of wire transfer/telex department FOREIGN AFFAIRS with (OAU) and ALL NIGERIA FOREIGN PAYMENT via wire transfer in collaboration with World Bank regards to debt payment.

Sometime ago your so called partner approached me through a friend of mine and requested that I assist him to fix your name as beneficiary for transfer deal. According to him, he wanted us to use the strategy to transfer a huge amount of us dollars by registering you as contractor or next of kin. / Inheritance. We agreed that once I did that, he will give me 40% of the total fund, 30% for YOU and 30% for himself. Having agreed on that i programmed your name on the payment computer as the legal beneficiary, after conclusion, your so called partners started playing pranks with me trying to double cross me, but they refused to understand that I can change the information without their notice.

Because of that i placed a stop order, call back the money and changed your payment (CODE) from the system, which made it impossible for you to receive the payment no-matter what you try. I am aware that they have been bribing some officials to get approvals to enable them receive the money but all efforts were to no success. Rather they keep demanding fees from you ON and ON. Is it not funny that a beneficiary is being asked to pay money while his fund is here? Well, this is the cause of the problem.

I got information that you are been told that your payment will come from offshore Bank. Bear in mind that your payment will NOT and you will NEVER receive any payment from any OFFSHORE, CENTERS AS FOLLOWS (LONDON, SPAIN, HOLLAND, DUBAI ETC ) again they told you that you will receive the money via consignment (BOXES) if I may ask, how do you expect that such amount should be brought to you cash?

NOW IF YOU WANT US TO WORK TOGETHER HERE ARE MY CONDITIONS.

(I) I will have 50% of the money and 50% for you because it is only two of us and you must keep off from every other person and keep it highly confidential and secret.

(ii) You MUST assure me that you will not betray me at last and my own share will be wired into the account I will provide or keep safe until when I arrive in your country for the sharing.

(iii) We can conclude the transaction with utmost SECRET and CONFIDENTIAL if you agree to adhere to my directives based on these conditions being acceptable by you, contact me immediately to enable us finalize all the arrangement.

As soon as we agree, i will perfect the arrangements on your behalf also update your fill to have a smooth transfer both now and after the money have got into your account.

If you do not agreed with my condition, i will advice you to forget about the funds because there is no way you can conclude the transfer without my notice, rather you will keep being deceived by impostors and being asked for more non existing fees. reply via my private mail johnEdward77@live.com

Regards
John Edward

Date: Thu, 26 Apr 2012 23:58:46 -0700 [01:58:46 AM CDT]
From: John Edward johnalersection2@hotmail.com
To: Undisclosed Recipients
Reply-To: JohnEdward98@live.com
Subject: [No Subject]

Attention Pls,

My name is John Edward direct KTT Wire transfer. i believe you don�t know me before but after a serious thought, I decided to reach you personally this YEAR because I do not have anything against you, but your so called partners. I am the director of wire transfer/telex department FOREIGN AFFAIRS with (OAU) and ALL NIGERIA FOREIGN PAYMENT via wire transfer in collaboration with World Bank regards to debt payment.

Sometime ago your so called partner approached me through a friend of mine and requested that I assist him to fix your name as beneficiary for transfer deal. According to him, he wanted us to use the strategy to transfer a huge amount of us dollars by registering you as contractor or next of kin. / Inheritance. We agreed that once I did that, he will give me 40% of the total fund, 30% for YOU and 30% for himself. Having agreed on that i programmed your name on the payment computer as the legal beneficiary, after conclusion, your so called partners started playing pranks with me trying to double cross me, but they refused to understand that I can change the information without their notice.

Because of that i placed a stop order, call back the money and changed your payment (CODE) from the system, which made it impossible for you to receive the payment no-matter what you try. I am aware that they have been bribing some officials to get approvals to enable them receive the money but all efforts were to no success. Rather they keep demanding fees from you ON and ON. Is it not funny that a beneficiary is being asked to pay money while his fund is here? Well, this is the cause of the problem.

I got information that you are been told that your payment will come from offshore Bank. Bear in mind that your payment will NOT and you will NEVER receive any payment from any OFFSHORE, CENTERS AS FOLLOWS (LONDON, SPAIN, HOLLAND, DUBAI ETC ) again they told you that you will receive the money via consignment (BOXES) if I may ask, how do you expect that such amount should be brought to you cash?

NOW IF YOU WANT US TO WORK TOGETHER HERE ARE MY CONDITIONS.

(I) I will have 50% of the money and 50% for you because it is only two of us and you must keep off from every other person and keep it highly confidential and secret.

(ii) You MUST assure me that you will not betray me at last and my own share will be wired into the account I will provide or keep safe until when I arrive in your country for the sharing.

(iii) We can conclude the transaction with utmost SECRET and CONFIDENTIAL if you agree to adhere to my directives based on these conditions being acceptable by you, contact me immediately to enable us finalize all the arrangement.

As soon as we agree, i will perfect the arrangements on your behalf also update your fill to have a smooth transfer both now and after the money have got into your account.

If you do not agreed with my condition, i will advice you to forget about the funds because there is no way you can conclude the transfer without my notice, rather you will keep being deceived by impostors and being asked for more non existing fees. reply via my private mail johnEdward77@live.com

Regards
John Edward

In this case, the high-tech redneck does web work, however, you may find this information helpful if you use a computer for working from home.

Equipment

• Laptop

  The laptop should be old. It should be the type of item you would get too upset about if it was suddenly destroyed by rain, or a malevolent bird or squirrel from above. It should work of course. Wireless is not necessary, since the patio is probably out of range anyway. A full-sized keyboard, mouse and mouse pad are recommended.

• Connections

  If you’re planning to work all day, you might as well have a power cord and a network cable. The older the power cord, the better. You should probably build the network cable, or request one from the office.

• Cushion

  Picnic tables don’t have cushions. It’s nice to have a cushion, so bring one out. A towel works well, too.

• Phone(s)

  You’ll want your cell phone and possible a cordless home phone so you don’t miss any calls, especially from the kids’ school, or your mother.

• Water

  Have a glass or bottle of water for drinking.

• Beach umbrella

  This serves three very important purposes. First, it keeps the sun off you, which is good for comfort and protection from the sun. Second, it shades the laptop screen, so you can see what you’re doing. Finally, the beach umbrella lets all your neighbors know that while they’re going into the office, you’re sitting in the backyard. Fold it up and cover it at night, or bring it in so it stays nice. A chunk of wood or bucket of sand might be good for standing the umbrella up. Be sure to make it easy to adjust, the sun moves (oh wait, the earth moves).

• LLBean Tote Bag

  Any large tote bag will do, but mine is from LLBean. It holds the computer, the mouse pad, keyboard and mouse, and makes it easy to move the computer stuff.

• Second computer

  This is actually a good practice, since you need a working computer. The second computer can be a desktop, indoors, or another laptop. This is a backup machine, so you don’t lose time due to equipment failures.

Best Practices

• Work

  You’re lucky enough to be outdoors. Work, just as if your boss was watching every keystroke (which is possible)

• Weather

  Choose the lowest temperature you’re comfortable at and work indoors as appropriate. Any form of precipitation should be avoided, unless you enjoy electrocution and broken equipment.

• Attire

  It is okay to wear a parka and a silly hat. If you can type with gloves, your temperature range may be extended.

• Animals

  Working outdoors is even better if you have some yard buddies. Be sure to give them a bowl of water and possibly some food outdoors.

• Bugs

  Bugs in your code, bugs in your hair, bugs on your clothes. Bug repellant may be a good investment. Watch out for ticks and mosquitoes.

• Nosy neighbors

  If you have nosy neighbors, prepare a collection of suitable excuses and fictional meetings and events to discourage them from extended visits. You’re working.

• Traffic and noise

  If there is a lot of background noise, you may have to stay indoors to make and take phone calls.

• Theft

  Remember the first item mentioned, don’t take the very finest equipment outdoors and then be surprised that it walked away.

• Security

  Don’t leave the computer unattended for more than a few minutes. Log out. Don’t leave the browser logged in to your online banking, or the list of all your account names and passwords on the desktop. If you’re using a wireless connection, secure the network as appropriate.

Date: Fri, 6 Apr 2012 07:16:19 -0300 [05:16:19 AM CDT]
From: BMW AUTOMOBILE training@the-body-shop.com.ph
Reply-To: barr.benduke@secretarias.com
Subject: ***SPAM*** Bmw New Year Promotions!!!

The Promotion Department
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United Kingdom

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I start with the mirrors because they are very easy to do. Using a squirt bottle of vinegar and rag, you squirt and wipe until it looks good. Do all the mirrors one after another, then toss the rag in the washer. Now, it’s time to clear the surfaces that need to be cleaned. I’ll spare you the details, since writing them will bore me as much as reading them will fail to interest you. After the junk has been moved, I take the towels and lay them on the floor in front of the door to the bathrooms. That way, if I track water out of the bathroom, the carpet will stay clean.

It was at this point I went downstairs to get the broom and dustpan to sweep the floors, which I did. When I returned the broom and dustpan to the closet, I was drawn to the mouse on this computer which was lying forlornly on the carpet, in front of the computer, belly up.

The mouse was suffering because its cable (I don’t believe in wireless mice) was routed around the front of the table, rather than the back. It was really annoying to use and had been for a good three or four months since I’d hooked it up. With a sudden burst of ambition, I decided to reroute the mouse cable, which I did.

The clutter.

My work table includes clutter. Excellent clutter. In the clutter, I found a packet of wildflower seeds (ironic), amplifier, last year’s dog tag, two 8 ohm speakers, 2 USB sticks, a digital camera, a pen, 493 business cards (mine), some cables, and a museum ticket. In the clutter on the stereo stand, I found a wireless doodad and a bit more cable. A vision came to me.

I crawled under the table and hooked up a splitter. Now the audio could go from the computer to the wireless box as well as some existing speakers. Then, I realized the 8 ohm speakers are better than the ones connected to the computer, so I used another splitter to split the computer audio once more into an A/B switch. This was getting good.

The power strip had all the outlets arranged in such a way that it was difficult to connect everything up, so I grabbed one of the big ones I was given at the office and hooked it up. I wanted one outlet available for a laptop. I also found my eyeglass cleaner in front of the bookshelf that’s under the table. I’ve been looking for that!

Now, it was time to test out all this exciting stuff.

I turned on the stereo and sent some waves out the wireless box. They were immediately picked up by the new wireless receiver and poured out the speakers. With the stereo still playing, I turned on SHOUTcast and got some tunes out of the computer. The 8 ohm speakers delivered them as soon as I flipped the A/B switch. Everything worked!

A side effect of this was that the clutter was a tiny bit tidier, but let’s face it - that wasn’t the objective.

That was about six hours ago. I’m ready to wash the floors in the bathrooms, which I did eventually clean. I wash the floors last so they can dry and I don’t slip and fall.

Then, I’m going outdoors! It’s nice out.

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This story begins with ‘Snowtober 2011′ (see link).

The oak trees in our yard suffered a tremendous amount of damage, many branches were down or hanging. Power was out for six days.

The cleanup effort looked overwhelming. As I roamed around the yard, clad in my favorite red plaid pullover, with the double layer striped top underneath, I looked like a little lumberjack. Since safety is much more important to me than speed, my tool of choice is a 21″ bow saw, instead of a chainsaw. I had my favorite mittens, hat and safety glasses, too.

The driveway was blocked, so that was the first area to tackle. It was immediately apparent that organizing the cut branches was going to be important, I created a small pile of twig branches (sticks with leaves), and dragged the remaining sections of the limbs up to the driveway where I dropped them in a convenient spot for later cutting and stacking as firewood. This took me about two hours, and it felt good.

It felt good because most of my time is spent on activities with temporary value. Laundry, dishes, cooking, writing web code, and walking the dog are all important, but when you finish, you’re either not really finished, or it has to be done again. Or, in the case of web code, it’s just sort of magic.

At the bottom of the driveway, several big branches had been moved out of the road and needed the same cutting and ordering. That’s when I realized that although the cleanup was possible, it was going to take a long time. Ever sensible, I went back into the house for hot chocolate and a cookie bar.

Soon I realized the little twig piles were not going to work out. I abandoned them and created piles of branches that were seven to ten feet long. I put all the leaves at one end, so it would be easy to chip them. The first pile was at the bottom of the driveway. Soon a second big pile grew at the top of the driveway. Two more were established along the road on the other side.

Every day, I put on my pullovers, mittens, hat, and safety goggles and went out in the yard. My goal was to ready the yard for the tree company. Every piece of wood was classified as one of four types:

• Little stuff that can be tossed aside in the woods
• Stuff to be chipped - 1/4″ - ~2″ in diameter
• Stuff to be cut up later with a bow saw - ~2″ - ~4″
• Stuff that clearly needs professional handling with a chainsaw

Stuff to be chipped was piled in one of the four piles, the bow saw branches were added to the pile at the top of the driveway, and the bigger pieces were stacked next to the bow saw branches if possible, or left in place.

With the storm cleanup done, it was time to rake.

Eventually, the yard was ready for the tree company. It took four men, with a bucket truck, bobcat, a chipper, another truck and a bunch of chainsaws a six hours to chip the piles, chainsaw the big branches, remove two trees and remove the hangers. They left me about six cubic yards of chipped wood to use as mulch around the yard.

It’s several months later and I’m still working in the yard. The tree company did a great job. I’ve been stacking and moving wood around, gave two truck loads to my brother, cut and stacked some of the bow saw wood.

This post was actually prompted by the pile at the top of the driveway. Toady I moved it closer to the wood pile in anticipation of a snowstorm. The branches were in one of the spots I pile snow.

It is still satisfying to move wood around the yard. Even as some of the hangers come down and need to be cut up (with a 30″ bow saw for the large ones), it still feels good. I have two yard buddies, Oska and Hobo. They always go out with me and keep me company.

You wouldn’t know there’s such joy in the yard by looking at it. The lawn is a collage of plants which wouldn’t be welcome in most other yards, the landscaping is limited. The bushes are only trimmed if they have dead branches. All the leaves raked in the yard are deposited under the trees, with a few good kicks to spread them about.

There’s lots of time to think while you’re moving branches and cutting wood. Or to not think. I also enjoy sniffing the wood.